My Wife Repeats the Same Topics Over and Over Again
in: Character, Etiquette
• May fifteen, 2020 • Last updated: May 29, 2021
What to Practise When Someone Tells the Aforementioned Stories Over and Over
We all have that friend or relative who tells the same stories over and over. As soon as he or she gets underway with the well-worn setup, you tin see spouses exchange a "hither we go again" glance, and people intentionally try to put on a confront they hope disguises their disinterest and carries the appearance of listening to something for the first time.
Nosotros want to be patient with people. Some folks retell stories because their memory isn't very adept, or because the deck of life experiences they draw from to make conversation isn't very deep. At the same time, even so, listening to the same stories over and over tin can make gatherings and get-togethers rather dull.
So what should y'all do in this situation?
Since it's not the greatest hardship to listen to a story for the tenth fourth dimension, and it seems like it would exist rude to tell the speaker you've heard information technology before, most folks just grin and bear it.
That's a fine class of activity, especially if you're interacting with an older person, whose listen isn't what it used to exist and who could use some grace and perennially circumspect listening.
Only it's arguably not the best way to handle things in many cases, either for yourself as the listener, or for the speaker.
Fifty-fifty though we think that letting people tell the aforementioned stories without correction is the "prissy" thing to exercise, in some ways, it's actually not so polite.
Though listeners try their best to pretend it's the starting time fourth dimension they've heard what is in fact a familiar story, most people aren't very good actors (some people start to look down at their phones because they know they're non); information technology's particularly hard to simulated 18-carat, surprise-driven laughter. Every bit a issue, something invariably seems off to the speaker about the reaction of his "audition"; he can sense that his listeners don't seem every bit interested or amused by the story as he idea they'd exist. The speaker may thus feel confused and hurt, and wonder if he said something wrong, or is just a boring person.
At the aforementioned time, well-nigh people would want to know if they were telling a story they'd already shared before, which is something nearly anybody does on occasion, including yourself! It's a little mortifying to retrieve that there have assuredly been times when people were faking their reactions to your ain repeated anecdotes. You probably would have preferred that someone stopped you.
You merely wouldn't want them to do it in a rude fashion.
Fortunately, there's an approach to stopping a repeated story which minimizes the sting of "rejection."
Interrupting someone when they begin an anecdote y'all've already heard with "You lot've told this story before!" will tend to make the speaker experience chastised and embarrassed.
Instead, frame your interjection in a softer form — a question which shows you're already familiar with the story: "Was this the time when you lost your lid?" "Was this the trip where yous ran into Arnold Schwarzenegger?" The speaker will likely so say something like, "Oh, you've heard this story before!" Past getting them to say it, instead of you, the realization won't make them feel as awkward.
Sometimes, even if you have heard someone'southward story earlier, you realize you've forgotten some of the details, and would like to hear information technology again, in which example you may say, "I have heard this story, merely I forget how it turns out. Tell usa again." A story that might have seemed deadening if the speaker had "forced" it on yous, will then seem more interesting, since you asked for it. Both speaker and listener will enjoy a greater sense of rapport.
If someone is a perennial story-reteller, it can help to bring up their previously-told stories yourself at other times. "Well at least you didn't lose your hat this go round." "Would you say the feel was even ameliorate than meeting Arnold?" Hearing external affidavit of their stories will solidify in their retentivity the fact that they've already shared them with you. (Re-surfacing things people accept previously told you is just a generally proficient practice; everyone likes to know that you truly mind and retain what they tell yous!)
When you're the speaker, if y'all experience any tinge of doubtfulness as to whether or non yous've shared a certain story before, it never hurts to inquire before you lot begin: "Did I ever tell you lot about the time I got into a fist fight with the postman?"
So also, which stories yous've shared with which sets of friends/relatives can get understandably disruptive, then it tin can help to make a mental annotation later on a social gathering similar, "Okay, I've shared my story about the ferocious koala deport with the Smith's."
Everyone re-tells stories from time to time, and if as a listener you like repeated tales, by all means bask them on each and every become round. But if you feel like it might be best for all involved to stop a narrative railroad train before information technology leaves the station, know that in that location's a way to offer some polite redirection.
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Source: https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/etiquette/what-to-do-when-someone-tells-the-same-stories-over-and-over/
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